Title: Buffy Trek Author: Siobhan Gormley (email@example.com) Summary: Kirk and crew end up visiting Buffy and the gang... Disclaimer: I own nothing, Paramount and Joss Whedon, as well as anyone who put(s) money in to these shows, own both ST:TOS and BtVS, respectively. Buffy Summers staked yet another vamp, finishing off the last of the bunch. She pushed herself up off the ground, blowing at the hair that had fallen in her eyes. "You know, this is becoming far too routine. Makes me wonder when all of Hellmouth's gonna break loose again..." Just as she uttered that thought, she got the distinct feeling that something had gone horribly wrong with the universe. She let out a groan. "Why did I have to say that? I should know better than to pull a Xander." She sighed deeply. "Guess I better go see what I've gone and done before Giles finds out." *** "Stardate 40789.3532545 and a half. We've returned to Earth, Southern California, but we're still not sure as to what year. From the apparel we've seen, it seems like we're back in the 1960s. We've dressed ourselves accordingly and brushed up on the dialect of the time and place so that we can blend in with greater ease." Captain Kirk of the Starship Enterprise closed his communicator with a practiced flip, tossing it in to its pouch. [Gawd I'm good,] he thought, running his hand through his imitation 'do. His hand caught momentarily in it, but he disentangled it without moving the 'piece too much. "Spock,..." Kirk started, pausing for an unnecessarily long period of time. "What are you doing? You should cover your ears..." he continued, sounding a touch stilted. "Captain, there is no need. I have observed the people around this region and I believe I should blend in well enough without the necessity of covering my ears." "Alright then, I say we move out to find out how we got here and what we need to do to get back." Kirk headed up his ragtag band of hippies as they left the alley and bumped directly in to Willow Rosenberg. She let out a tiny yelp as she careened backwards. "Hey, weirdo, watch where you're going!" Xander protested loudly. "Hey man, why don't you just, uh, chill," Kirk commented, using the vernacular he remembered. The dark-haired boy looked at him oddly as he helped the girl up. "What is up with you? You stuck in some sort of time warp?" he asked, finally noticing what they were wearing. The oddly out-of-date people all looked at each other with surprise. "How do you know about warp? Are you from the future as well? Do you know something we don't?" Kirk asked in an overly dramatic tone as he grabbed a hold of the teenager. The boy easily pushed the man away from him. "Geez, what's with the postalness?" The group of oddly attired adults looked at each other again, this time in confusion. Before anyone said anything more, a yell of Xena proportions was emitted from behind them. Everyone turned to see a young blond girl charging at them with a wooden stake. Or more specifically, charging at Spock. "Look out, there's a vampire!" she shouted. Everyone looked around worriedly and the redshirts immediately ringed around the captain and first officer in a protective stance. She pushed aside many of the redshirts to get to Spock, ready to plunge the stake in to his heart. The Vulcan easily grabbed the girl's wrist, stopping the stake mere inches from his chest. The two beings were an even match, but finally the girl let go of the stake. Once that was done, he let go of her wrist. "Who are you?" Buffy asked, rubbing her sore wrist. Xander and Willow walked past the others and joined her. "We...we are from..." "The future?" The sound of all their heads turning toward Xander was heard by all, as well as one neck cracking. "Where...how...?" Uhura queried. "Uh, duh! Your head guy was quizzing me just a few minutes ago about whether I was from the future. What are you guys anyway, mental patients out on a 48 hour pass?" "What year is it?" Spock queried logically. "Why didn't I think to ask that?" Kirk grumbled. "Because you are an illogical human." "Yeah, but you're *half* human." "That may be but..." The blonde stepped between the arguers. "Alright boys, enough already! I want some names and I want them now," she said menacingly. "May I ask again what year it is?" Spock questioned. "What year do you think it is?" Willow piped up. "Some time in the 1960s?" "That would explain the excessive amounts of polyester," Buffy wisecracked. "FYI guys, it's 1997." "So, if you're *not* mental patients, assuming you're not, then who *are* you?" Xander inquired. The adults all looked at each other once again. Many over-the-top eyebrow raisings passed between them before anyone responded. Kirk twirled to face the three teenagers, ready to 'work his narrative magic'. "All we can tell you is that we come from a place where there is no need for war, money..." He was cut off quickly by Buffy. "Enough with the posturing! Sheesh! All's we want to know is your names!" "Whoa, you're a real spitfire, ain't ya?" Kirk commented, looking her up and down while smirking at her. He stopped doing that once she gave him a glaring look. [She could take on Bones in a glarin contest,] he thought. "Ahem, um, okay. I'm James, this is Uhura, the one you tried to stake is Spock, and these are, well, they're not really important since they'll probably be dead by the next adventure, if not within this one." All the redshirts gulped in unison. "Okay then James," Buffy started, but was cut off by a now leering Kirk. "Oh, call me Jim. All my *friends* call me that." The three teenagers rolled their eyes. "So *James*, if you're not from around here, how do we get you back home?" Kirk seemed rather disappointed that she had brushed him off so easily. Not that he was going to give up that quickly. "Well sweetheart, that's what we're trying to figure out, but I don't think kids like you would be able to really do anything. Well, at least not a pretty young thing like you." Buffy shuddered visibly. "Don't be so sure. I know a few things..." Willow began, but a beeping sound cut her off. Kirk reached in to the pouch and took out his communicator, turning away from the teenagers as if that would hide what he was doing. "Kirk here. This better be good 'cause I was just making some progress." "Cap'n, I donna know how much morrre I can take," a Scottish-accented voice burred from the communicator. "You don't know! Ha! I'm the one who has to put up with your dang blasted stories and that blasted excessive use of the letter 'R'. Makes me want to go back on the Mint Juleps!" an ornery Southerners voice cut in. Kirk rolled his eyes. "Now listen to me Bones, you're in charge up there so you should be handling this, not bothering me when I'm trying to, uh, 'extract information' from the locals," Kirk complained, throwing a wink at Buffy before he turned back to talking in to the communicator. The Slayer made a gagging noise, sending her friends in to fits of giggles. "Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a commanding officer!" "Bones, that one was pretty damned weak." "He's been coming out with weak ones ever since you left." There was no comment from Bones, but Kirk knew he was giving Scotty his patented glare. Kirk let out a huge sigh. "Alright, I'll be up as soon as I can. Kirk out." He flipped the communicator closed again and returned it to its pouch. He turned on his heel to face the rest of the group there. He grinned in an oily manner at Buffy, which made her even more ill, if that was possible. "Well, I'm afraid I've got to leave you for a brief time. Try not to miss me too much." "Oh, I'm sure I can survive for now," Buffy replied, her voice dripping sarcasm. Kirk patted her ass, gaining a scowl from the blonde. "I think the rest of you should go out and try to find some more information, maybe a way to get us back to...home." There was a chorus of 'Yes, sirs' just before the rest of the team moved out. "It's been fun. I'll see *you* in a while," Kirk said, making a finger motion pointing at Buffy. The three teenagers walked away, glad to be away from the odd adults. Once they were far enough away, Kirk took out and opened up his communicator again. "Kirk to Enterprise. One to beam up." Mere seconds later he was gone. *** Buffy, Xander, and Willow walked as quickly as they could away from the dirty old man. "Ugh. And I thought vampires gave me the wig," Willow commented. "Yeah, I know, major creepazoid," Buffy added. "And was it me, or did it look like he was wearing a girdle?" Xander wondered. The two girls crinkled their noses and nodded in unison. "And did you notice the hair? I mean, I've seen Persians with better rugs!" Willow uttered rather cattily. The three friends snickered at the statement. "Was that Spock guy really a vamp?" Xander suddenly asked, changing the subject. "He looked vampish, that's for sure. But I don't know, I'm still not totally 'tuned in' with my 'vamp radar', as Giles likes to remind me," Buffy replied. "Well, he seemed okay to me," Willow stated. She then seemed to get an idea. "Hey, maybe he's like Angel where he's got his soul back and all..." Xander tuned out from the rest of the conversation from then on, wondering for the millionth time why all things seemed to come back to Angel with them. It was almost becoming a cliche, like many things in his life as of late, he thought. THE END
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